Yaay,

It’s back to school time and I am ready to flow….boo. I mean not only have I had to run around to make sure that my son is in order for his first day of school but I’ve been discussing the closing chapter to my education as well. Wanna know how I’m feeling…one word, frustrated.  Back to school means back to spending money, back to getting up just a little bit early than usual during summer vacation and ultimately back to school means balancing your time with your kids’  time. 

 Last weekend when I coached my group Partnerships in Parenting, there’s a page…go see please  the topic was ‘How can we, as LGBTQ parents, come from behind the shadows and be more apparent in our children’s school life?” 

In the past I can definitely say I shy-ed away from a great deal of participation in my son’s former school because I was insecure with my sexuality…I thought someone would no my ‘T’. Silly me right?

Well, I’m not alone, or at least shall I say, wasn’t alone.  The fear is the weight of your lifestyle being used against your child. There as so many ignorant people and they teach that ignorance to their little ones and there lays the cycle. I never want my child to pay for anything that I’ve chosen to do in life. 

This year however, both my partner and I have promised ourselves to have a more fortified presence in our son’s school. We are going to participate in PTA, field trips, bake sales…you name it and we are going to do it together…a united front. Trust and believe we know that we will have some challenges here and there, but we aren’t claiming anything the latter. So because of our new found confidence, I’m issuing a challenge to all parents, straight or gay…STAND UP AND BE INVOLVED! You only get one shot to make a difference in your child’s perception of the world and that impression happens when they are young and growing. We are their examples of how life really works and can be. STAND UP AS A UNITED FRONT in your child’s involvement at school and participate in as many activities as possible. A family is a family, is a family…no matter the make up. Showing up means you love your child, showing up means you care and showing up means that there is a strong foundation of courage that lays in the fort of your family life. The more we as LGBTQ parents stand up and show up, the more we can continue to break down the walls of ignorance.  I’m just saying…I’m just sharing.  Peace…Love Ky

This article is taken from www.lgbthealth.net and HAVEN of Oakland County

According to recent studies on intimate partner violence (domestic violence), same sex partners experience intimate partner violence (IPV) at the same rate as heterosexual couples. In fact, the incidence of IPV may be greater since many of us do not report domestic violence incidents to authorities. Domestic violence is often associated with physical abuse, such as hitting or pushing but emotional and verbal abuse, intimidation and threats, and sexual violence are all acts of IPV.

LGBT victims and perpetrators of domestic violence often find that our public health, social service and criminal justice system don’t have policies and programs in place to adequately address same-sex domestic violence. In fact, many states have laws that define domestic violence as occurring only between a man and a woman, which makes it impossible for us to get restraining orders or support from local law enforcement. Addressing IPV is complex and potentially volatile. Leaving an abusive partner without a safety plan, support and information about options is dangerous and can be life-threatening. It is critical that survivors and abusers seek help from a trained LGBT domestic violence specialist.

IPV CAN BE STOPPED. IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, HELP IS AVAILABLE:

For information about services in your area, call the National Domestic Violence Hot-line at 1-800-779-SAFE or visit their site at www.ncavp.org.

In the Metro Detroit Area:

MI Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence – www.mcadsv.org

Macomb County – www.safeyouth.org

Oakland County – www.haven-oakland.org

Wayne County – www.comnet.org

Washtenaw County – www.dvpsh.org

YOU DON’T HAVE TO SUFFER ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Always know that it is not your fault and you did nothing to deserve or provoke the abuse.
• Always have cash available in case you need transportation to escape.
• In an emergency, call 911 – don’t minimize your fears. Only you know if you feel threatened.
• Have someone take photos of your injuries and keep them with your medical records or in a safe place with a written description of what happened. This info will make it easier for you should you decide to file a police report, obtain child custody or a personal protection order.

Isn’t it unfortunate when love becomes fatal. I was seating here pondering over so many stories of women being murdered by the hands of their significant other, all in the so called name of love.  How is it that one moment there’s bliss and harmony then suddenly that world turns dark and cold? Where did the road turn leading to one person standing, while the other lays cold? Sadly 2 out of every 6 women are being abused by the hands of another woman either mentally or physically. Even right now as I type, that statistic has changed. It’s not talked about openly but domestic violence happens in same sex relationships.   How can any woman ever feel that love comes in the form of hurt and pain? But what can be said of women who have never had a hand lifted in abuse to them? Where are the signs of betrayal that could have prevented them from dying at the hands of their lover?

You have to wonder…could the lives of these women been saved? Could you ever know that the hand that caresses you so softly will ultimately be the hand that takes your last breath?  It is so true what they say about there being a thin line between love and hate and apparently an extremely thin one. I’m assuming that line can be found somewhere between sanity and insanity. Some wiring has to come undone in the brain in order for a person to snap and bring down a rain a tantrum so badly that murder is the ultimate.

 My heart completely goes out to the family of those women resting in peace all in the so called name of love. It is my hopes that a war of steel magnolias gather up and conquer in the battle of domestic abuse.  So many women are suffering in silence at the hands of another woman and no one is doing a thing about it. Each one can reach one, doesn’t matter if  you are straight or gay. If you notice abuse, speak up! Try to help. Share your story if you think it will make a difference. You could save a life…only if the life wants to be saved.

Nothing prepared me for parenting,I was a barrel of nerves and emotions were reeling…however suddenly the answers come to me.

How I became a mother is an entirely different story in comparison to what being a mother is like. I will tell you though that how I became a mother is not a fairy tale story…it’s pretty average. Man meets girl (and trust me, I was a girl at the time) one conversation leads to the next and so on and so forth. Pretty typical right? Not a great deal of detail but you get the idea.

Well it was nothing short of a shocker when I realized or should I say found out I was with child nearly almost three months into the pregnancy. Yes! that’s what I said, I was nearly three months pregnant by the time I found out. Mind you, everything was functioning as normal and I was going about doing the average 21 year old norms so I hadn’t a single clue.  Okay so now I’m going to have a child and I’m thinking I’m not ready for this, not to mention I had another iron in the fire (a previous relationship on the rocks) I will come back to that story later.  All sorts of questions were boggling my brain and every emotion I could experience suddenly began to flow. I was a barrel of nerves and fear was in my every breath.

However after a few days of pondering, my reality kicked in. I knew right away that I was going to be a single parent which meant that I was going to have to make sure that my well being was my first priority so being happy and mentally healthy over the next six months was imperative. I knew I was in a situation that I wasn’t ready for but I had the chance to prepare myself for what the next phase of my life was headed toward. Second, I had to figure out a game plan for financial soundness and savings. I was employed at the time at a local C-store and I openly talked with my manager about a leave of absence after I had the baby and my intentions of coming back to work. I had to make sure that I would still have my job. It was a blessing to me that he granted his support and over the next few months I saved, invested in lay-aways and found a responsible temp that I trained to cover for me during my leave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…sounds like everything was working out for me and I had nothing to worry about but as you read, clearly you can see missing details and a couple of explanations.

Welcome to my world of parenting, built on not so savvy experiences and lots and lots of love and patience…not only for my child but for myself as well. The ‘Awakening’ is just the first stop on the tour of my mini mall of parenting. Over time as you began to venture into the other stores I have along the way, you will see that the bond between you and me is simply the ups and downs of motherhood and life as it happens along the way.

A guided tour of the ups and downs of life and motherhood

What if someone told you that you could build the perfect mall, selling products and services that would make the challenging dynamics of life and being a mother a little easier?

 What stores would you have?

Welcome to the mall of  Lesbian Parenting!

We are celebrating our grand opening with a lavish sale of fabulous free tidbits and lessons that will make your shopping experience with us not only informative but a treat that’s well worth the value. 

Come on in…a tour awaits you! 

First stop, of course is…

Level 1

Exclusively for New Mothers

Introducing stores:

The Awakening – Me! A mother?!  Need someone to hold your hand through the shock?…You’ve come to the right place.

Seasonings of Humor with P & U – Explores an array of tastes for the challenging moments of your first time. 

 How to? – Need to find a manual…well this is your spot!

 We’ve got awesome giveaways in store for you.

The Awakening’s kick off sale begins this coming Sunday 8/22!

How to Adopt a Child if You Are Gay

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

You want to adopt a child, but you are gay. Can you still adopt? Read on to find out how a gay couple or single parent can adopt a child.

Steps

1. Ask first and make a clear, joint decision. Ask your partner if children are wanted. If not, don’t go through with this – the decision to have children must be unanimous.
2. Make your outlook realistic. There will be expenses (a lot) and time requirements – you will need to meet with adoption officials, children, and lawyers in order to make this happen. You’ll spend some time in court, eventually. Be sure you are aware of these things and understand that you must make your appearances at these places in order to make your dream of children come true.
3. Decide what the two of you are able and willing to deal with. Decide whether it matters if your adopted child is a boy or a girl, whether you are willing to create a mixed race family with child of a different ethnicity than the two of you, and how old a child you are willing to adopt – toddlers and older children are much harder to place in adoptive homes than infants, so deciding that you will accept an older child may help speed up your process.
4. Reach out to others going through the process. Get on the Net, or ask around. If you know of an adoption agency near you which handles or helps facilitate gay adoption, even better!
5. Go through the process. OK, you’ve now found the child you want to adopt. Now you need to go through a whole process (it can take up to 2 years) of them working out if you’re good parents, then seeing if the child accepts you and a whole load of other stuff. You also have to go to court quite a bit, since every child that is put up for adoption is made a Ward of Court before the adoption is final.

Tips

• Don’t lose heart. Keep going, even if it seems to take forever. If you really want to adopt, be prepared for a long wait!
• Love your child unconditionally.
• Your child will want to know the answers to lots of questions, such as why they have two mommies or daddies instead of one of each like the other kids. Or why it’s just the two of you. Prepare to have honest, age-appropriate answers for your child, and decide between the two of you when it is best to tell your child they are adopted, too.

Warnings

• Don’t do this if one or other of you doesn’t want kids. Wait until you’re both ready. If you realize eventually that you are ready, but your partner probably is never going to come to the party, you must decide whether you want to be with your partner more than you want children, or vice versa. If the calling of your heart is to have children, you will probably have to tell your partner that the issue is a crucial one for you, and the fact that your partner does not want children as you do is the issue that will end your relationship. Don’t go ahead with an adoption based on, “Oh, allright. If it’s that important to you, then let’s go ahead.” This will result in the end of the relationship later anyhow, because your partner is not a willing parent, but simply going along with you in order to prevent a breakup for the moment. It’ll be tough on you and on your child to lose your partner after the fact, so be sure you make this critical decision together, before you proceed with adoption.

Related wikiHows

• How to Start the Adoption Process
• How to Ask Someone to Be Your Child’s Godparent
• How to Adopt a Child
• How to Adopt a Baby from China
• How to Have a Discussion on Gay Marriage
• How to Defend Your Views on Gay Rights

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Adopt a Child if You Are Gay. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.